Dear Danielita.

Dear Hermanita,

When I saw you walk on that stage, all I saw was 5 year old Daniela pretending to be a ballerina, wearing her new tutu and twirling in the hallway of our old home and now, here you are, about to embark the next chapter of your life: college. When I saw you walk on that stage, I couldn't help the tears that ran down my face (I have them now as I am writing this). My concert buddy won't be 45 minutes away fro me. I won't have you to come over and spend the night so we can watch (one of the following) Pride & Prejudice, The Proposal, or About Time over and over again. Over the last few years, you've become my closest friend. We danced, laughed, and screamed our guts out (more me than you) because The Backstreet Boys were right in front of us. You've cried when you found out that I got us tickets to see Ariana Grande or Justin Bieber. You have witnessed Emma's birth and nervously accepted to be our photographer during the 14 hour process. You've been there for every important moment in my life and I am going to miss not having you only 45 minutes away. I may be sad, but my happiness overpowers my sadness by a lot! I cannot wait to hear all your stories and spend weekends with you in the near future and I'll bring Emma and it'll be a girls weekend! Just like the ones we've always had, except it'll be in your college dorm or at a hotel room.
I cannot wait to see where this journey takes you and to see the friendships you'll make and to hear about the knowledge you'll gain. Mi hermanita, I don't know if you know this, but your light had always shone the brightest, not just because of your beauty, but because of the brains you have as well. You make me want to go back to school because listening to you and learning about the things you tell me is inspiring. I know one day Emma will see you and I know she's going to say "I hope to be like my Tia one day." You are the greatest role model for her and all young girls.
High school is fun and important, but it's nothing like college. Start this new journey the way you've  started any obstacle in your life with a smile and with the positivity that you always carry with you. You know that you can count on me every step of the way. We love you very much. Congratulations, hermanita. I am proud to be your big sister, and always will be.

**photos taken by my beautiful friend, Andrea Villa**





With love,

Ale

Things that Emma say.

Emma is talking more and more and I love watching her learn new skills every week.  Here are some words or phrases that she has learned in the last few months:

-When we say, "ready, set.." and Emma yells, "GO!"

- It's cold.

-It's HOT! (she typically will scream this phrase, not sure why. She's silly).

-Hi!

-Dyeeee!! (for "bye" LOL)

- All done (and waves her little hands to show that there is nothing on her plate).

- I...love....(and she will dance to the name instead of saying it).

- Dada...

-AND she finally says MAMA!

-Let's go! (and will typically scream it).

-On and Off

-She says coc for sock. LOL. We are working on that one.

-kkpppa for "ipad"

-eche for "leche"

- When we sing the wheels on the bus song, she will always sing and attempt on saying the ending of each chorus "ALL THROUGH THE TOWN!!"

- She can't say the words too clearly yet, but she sings twinkle, twinkle, little star and you can tell by the melody of the song and she can say the word "star".

- When she counts, she always says, "two" and totally skips one and three. We are also working on our numbers.

- Whenever we do something she really likes such as picking her up and twirling together, she will say "again!"

-Dexttahh!

-cooooww

-woof for dog

-Nanaaa

-And she says mmm for anything she can't say and we ask her to try. Her response is always, "mmmm"

-thankuuuuu for thank you

-eeeessse for please

-She attempts to sing "if you're happy and you know it" and she will yell "hooray" at the part where it says to say hooray. She gets super happy.

- "naaack!" for snack

- she hides when she needs to poop and when she is all done, she says, "i pooped'. I think she is ready for potty training this summer.

-& her current favorite word is "noo" but she says the n as "ñ" like how you would say ñiño/a.



I know I've said it a million times before and I will never stop saying it, but I love being a mom.

With love,
Ale

Danielita.

To everyone else, she's Daniela. To me and our family, she's Danielita. Kevin will call her that in public sometimes and she will ignore him as any 17 almost 18 year old would do.

18 years old. I just stopped in thought. I am thinking about the moment we learned that you were on the way. Before I share that story, let me say that I prayed for my little sister for YEARS and I begged my parents for a little sister every Christmas and it was my wish every time I blew out my birthday candle. You see, I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but I was a HUGE Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen fan growing up and I wanted that sisterly connection so bad. Having a brother was cool and all that, but there's nothing like that sisterly bond (I love you, Tono). Then, one day, at the Merced Mall Food Court while my brother and I were about to enjoy our chicken sandwiches our mother shared the most joyous news and you know how I just stopped in thought about 2 minutes ago? The same thing happened to me during that moment back in 1999 when my mom told us she was pregnant. Then, I prayed for every second since that moment asking God to PLEASE send us a little girl. I know I had nothing to do with that and Daniela was probably a girl before sending those prayers, but I got my little sister and my heart has been so full since her arrival. You see that moment doesn't feel like it was more than 18 years ago. Just thinking about that moment pulls on my heartstrings in the best way possible and it honestly feels like it was just yesterday.

My sister was and still is the very expressive type. You can tell what she is thinking or feeling just by looking at her eyes. At One, she ruled our home. Oh, and once she started walking, goodbye freedom. I didn't lose my freedom when Emma started walking a few months ago, I lost it about 17 years ago the day Danielita learned to walk. She was our shadow and wanted to do everything that our brother and I did. At Two, I started teaching her every Disney song, Backstreet Boy song or Spice Girl song there is and we would dance to their music every weekend. At Three and Four, she would be my little hostess whenever my friends would come to our house. I was always surprised at how well she would fit in any group. I mean my friends and I were 11 years older than her and she would be able to hold a conversation just as well. At age Five, she would come home and share what she would learn at school and I loved how she would explain everything to me. I love her love for learning till this day. As she moved on to middle school, I started to realize that she passed my grade point average a long time ago and she was only in 8th grade. Then, High School happened and her love for fashion became more noticeable. She is my professional make-up artist and go to stylist. She has the confidence that I wish I had at her age.

18 years later and there hasn't been a day that I don't thank God for sending my family my sister. I finally have that one person who knows what I am thinking without even saying anything. I finally have that one person who can finish the rest of my sentences on accident. I finally have that one person I can share everything with and laugh and cry and sing Backstreet Boys with. I have been so lucky to have been a big sister to my Danielita. On her 18th birthday, words cannot express how much I love you.

With love,
Wawa

2017.

I remember last year's NYE. We were at my parents home and I was trying my hardest to stay awake and wait for the clock to strike 12. We went to bed a little after midnight and then Emma woke me up every 2-3 hours after that. I've never felt more exhausted in my life and my heart has never felt so full. This year not much has changed. Kevin and I are in our pajamas in the comfort of our own home. I've made myself a delicious mimosa and Emma has been out since 8pm and she'll be our alarm clock around 7:40 a.m. My heart feels twice as full. The year went flying by. I don't know if being a mom has anything to do with it, but it feels like we started the year and then it was October. I can't believe how fast it went. There were hundreds of moments that made 2017 a beautiful year, but I'd like to share a few of my most recent memorable moments as a Mother.

Emma is awake. We hear her on our monitor. She says, "Dada? Dada? Jibberish...jibberish...jibberish. Dada?" I turn to Kevin and say "She's calling you" and I turn the other way and continue sleeping for an extra 30 minutes. (Score!)

I ask Emma, "donde esta tu nariz? (where is your nose?)" and she touches my lips. So close.

Tonight during bath time I ask Emma, "donde esta tu barriga? (where is your belly?)" and she touches her belly, smiles, and gives herself an applause (we do that when she does something right lol).

We have Jimmy Fallon's "Dada" book where every page has the word "Dada" and a certain animal says their sound. For example, "Dada", "moo". Emma starts reading her book to herself and reads, "Dada", "hmm" turns the page, "Dada", "hmmmm" turns the page and continues to do the same until the very end. I guess reading it to her since birth pays off (Kevin, I think it's time to purchase the "Mama" book now -_-).

We visited Dell'Osso Farms the other day and we were on a train ride which made Emma really nervous. I hugged her tight and told her that we are safe and I got her. She put her little hand on my cheek and gave me a big Emma beso. My heart stopped.

I'm sure I've made this obvious, but I love being a Mother. 2018 will be full of moments where Kevin and I will grow as parents, as individuals, as a couple and where I grow as a mother, daughter, sister, and friend. Ringing any and every year will be incredible because I am a Mother.

We tried to take a picture, but Emma was ready for bed. She is no where near ready to try and stay awake for midnight. God Bless and be safe tonight.

With love,
Ale

ONE YEAR OLD.

What they say is true. Time flies as a parent. I can't explain it. One minute you are laying on the hospital bed ugly crying (in my situation) because you are seeing your baby for the first time then twelve months fly by and your newborn baby is on the verge of walking and saying their first real words. AMAZING. Truly remarkable the life as a parent.

I loved every moment of this stage with our Emma. The newborn stage, breastfeeding, witnessing Kevin as a father, witnessing my parents as grandparents, then introducing solids, watching her crawl and learn fine motor skills to eat her favorite snack. Witnessing those moments where I'm like "that's so Kevin" or Kevin saying "you are just like your Mother" and every moment, big or small, in between. We are now parents of a toddler, just like that, in a flash.

When I'm at work, I miss her. When she's sleeping, I miss her. Kevin and I have gone away for a weekend and I missed her terribly, but I survived. I heard it gets better, but I really don't want it to get better because I don't want to be away from her, especially when time goes by this fast and we get reminded every day how short life truly is. I want to be with my family at all times. They are all of me (now I am getting cheesy...the hormones man! They just get worse).

Currently, life with Emma is so curious. I can stare at her at amazement at what she's learning and picking up from us. For instance, we are teaching Emma to be "gentle" with Dexter because Dexter loses a patch of fur whenever she tries to pet him. Well, she is attempting to be so gentle that when she extends her arm and hand to pet Dexter it seems as if she is petting his aura. She's getting it. I am giving her an A for effort. Just the other night, we set her free from her jail and she started moving the chairs near the kitchen and on her way there, she decided it would be fun to play with Dexter's water bowl. Kevin wiped her hand clean and firmly told her, "No, we do not touch Dexter's water bowl or food bowl" and allowed her to keep going to where she wanted to go. A couple minutes pass by and she was on her way back to the living room from the kitchen. She stops right by Dexter's water bowl again (Side note: Kevin and I are staring at her just feet away and she knows this). She lifts her hand to be hovering over Dexter's bowl while staring at her Daddy. Kevin slowly says (picture this in slow motion) "Noooooooo, Emmmmmmaaaaa" and Emma surely gives him a sly smile and slowly puts her hand in the water bowl then she crawls as fast as she can going the opposite direction from Kevin. I couldn't help myself. I burst into laughter. This was surely a moment where Emma did something Kevin would do. She is so Kevin. One more (last one...for now), tonight during bath time, I always have our Disney playlist playing in the background, I have her alphabet letters in her tub so she can play with while I wash her hair and so forth. A song from Hercules comes on (I LOVE the soundtrack of Hercules) and she stops, stares at me, gives me her billion dollar smile, and starts to move from side to side to the rhythm of the music. Thank God she has my rhythm. Although these moments bring me laughter and reassurance that Kevin and I are doing okay as her parents; I pray that one day soon she'll be her own person, and she discovers her own identity. I'm sure this will occur sooner than later because I've started to see Emma's personality grow since she was only a few weeks born.

Now the holidays are right around the corner and I am already saving ideas on arts and crafts on Pinterest for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. Last year, she was a newborn and I was delusional and did not have the energy to do anything. I was able to make her footprint as an ornament, but that's about it. This year, I feel like she can be more involved in our traditions and find joy in them. I can hardly wait. I feel like a kid again only this time the joy I feel is coming from the happiness that I see in the faces of my family.

I've said this every time, but I love being a Mother. It has completed me in every possible way.

Good night, world. Remember to spread kindness and joy. Our world and country needs every inch of it.

Much love,

Ale

Life with E.

The moment when Emma sees either Daddy or I coming home from work. She puts both arms in the air, bounces up and down, and gives us a big smile. Then, she crawls super fast towards us so we can carry her. 

I'm inside in what I like to call "Emma's Prison" and she's going through her toys and gets one of her books. She sets it on the ground, opens her book, and starts saying gibberish as she turns the page.

The way she climbs over me or Kevin to get on the couch in order to escape from her prison. 

Her hair/bangs are super long and covers her eyes, so every morning when I come in her room and say "good morning, Emma!" she raises her head all the way up to be able to see me through all that hair. 

The way our house gets super quiet whenever she gets a hold of my cellphone and then tries to smile at me when I catch her with it. 

How the word "Dexter" is becoming her second word. Don't ask, I'm quite heartbroken about it. #howaboutMama

"De..tahhh". That's how she says it. The most cutest thing ever. #okayimnotthatmadaboutit

She inhales her Cheerios. 

Actually, she inhales any type of food we give her. There hasn't been one food that she has rejected. When we first started with solids (at 6 months), she didn't like the Gerber string beans, but she just ate one as a whole the other day when I steamed some veggies for her. 

She crinkles her nose when she is super happy (this happens mostly during dinnertime).  

Dexter is always by her side during dinnertime and bath-time. He is warming up to her and that melts my heart. 

The way she recognizes and loves on all her immediate family: Nana, Abu, Grandma, Papa Paco, Grandpa, Auntie Steph, Tio Tono, and Tia Daniela. She gives you all the same shy smile. 

How I can say "Where's Koopa and Lucky?" and she looks outside the window. 

She loves watching people, especially other babies during mass and as long as I bring her cheerios to snack on and a good book, she's happy. 

Also, before we enter church, I whisper to her, "Emma, we're about to enter God's house, it's time to be very quiet, shhhhh" and she tries to mimic my "shhhh". 

The way she climbed the stairs at her grandparent's house three times. I want to say it was a record time for a baby. 

Whenever she is about to go poop, she goes to a corner in her prison and then I ask her as I'm grunting, "Emma, are you pooping?" and she will grunt back at me and her face turns bright red. LOLs.

This Saturday, our baby will turn 11 months. I'm currently in the process of planning her FIRST birthday. Where has the time gone?!

Don't mind the pasta on her tooth. She's a happy girl when she has her food in front of her.

Sweet Dreams, World. Spread kindness.

With love,

Ale 

31 Weeks!

My last post was in December!? Every month since then I've been telling myself I'd like to write another post on my blog and then the month would fly on by. This might sound crazy, but does time speed up when you're a parent because it sure feels like it. Emma turned 31 weeks on Monday! 7 months went by in a blink of an eye.

I'd like to share some things that I love about being a mom, as well as a few hardships I experienced. I loved the newborn stage. Kevin was not a fan though. He would actually fast forward to Emma being a "small adult" as he would say if he could. If it were up to me, I would rewind time to when she was a newborn again. I feel like that phase goes by way too quickly. I loved how my chest was pretty much her nap-time or bed-time spot. I loved how I would lay her on my upper thighs facing me and she would observe her surroundings while making those adorable newborn sounds. I loved the way she would smell. Newborn smell is probably one of my favorite scents on this planet. I miss the newborn stage so much. That is why Kevin and I are planning on doing this again, so I can experience it once more (not any time soon guys, so calm your horses). 

Emma started to smile days before she hit her one month mark. She obviously didn't know it at first, but then I think she started to smile purposely because of the reaction she would get from us every time. Her smile and laughter are one of my favorite moments to witness. Our family and friends say that she has my smile. Good! Because everything else she has is Kevin's. Strangers always ask in amazement "She's your daughter!?" and "But she looks nothing like you!". Thanks, people. I'd like to think that Emma has very similar personality traits as I do. She isn't shy, super happy (even when she's sick), observant, laughs a lot, extremely sociable. When you start to get to know her, you'll know right away that she is in fact my daughter. I love saying that phrase. I still have moments where I am still in disbelief that I am a mom. I don't cry AS MUCH anymore, I'm feeling better when it comes to that. 

Baby blues. They hit you hard. It's not affecting me as much anymore, but there were days where I felt like I was the worst mom in the world. I would feel this overwhelming feeling of sadness which partly was from the extreme exhaustion which lead to being frustrated. It's an awful feeling. Thank goodness I had Kevin and my family to make me feel grounded again and to reassure me that I was doing as well as any other first time mom should. My parents. God bless them. My parents came to visit me every weekend to help us with Emma, allowing me to rest, and to show me the ways. I didn't mind. My siblings and I turned out alright, so they know what they're doing. My in-laws are a great help as well. They love on Emma like no other. Kevin and I are so fortunate to have such supportive families. 

At two and half months, Emma began to laugh and it is my favorite sound in the whole wide world. All my worries and stressors of the day/week/month/year instantly vanish whenever I hear that sound. At three months, she started to make more sounds and paying close attention to our face expressions or people in general. By four months, she was babbling. She was giving and receiving affection. She would lay her head on my chest or put both her hands on my cheeks and message them the "Emma way" which is a little aggressive. She loves hard ( You see? Totally my daughter). There was never a moment where she didn't have her hands in her mouth. At five months, we started to see more and more of her personality develop. She definitely has a lot of silliness to her and we can tell right away what she is thinking just by looking at her face expressions. At six months, Emma started eating solids. She loves fruits more than vegetables. She found her first love with Jesse from Toy Story 2 and she learned how to give "besos". They're super slobbery, I LOVE THEM. 

She is now 7 months and teething. Teething sucks. I hate that she is feeling what she is feeling and there is not much that we can do to relieve her pain. It's temporary and I pray those little teeth appear soon! Every night we have a dance party before and/or after bath time and that girl has my rhythm (thank you God!). She loves her Disney songs and anything with a beat. She is actually starting to move her legs to the music or bop her head. She is starting to say "MA..MA..MA..MA" and "DA...DA..DA..DA" but she doesn't say them to call on us. I think she hears me say them a lot, so she is mimicking me as she plays with her toys. The weekends are my ultimate favorite with her because we get to spend the whole day with her. The weekdays are too short. By the time we get home from work/daycare we have about 2 hours together (at best) to spend time as a family before starting her bedtime routine. Also, we watch Toy Story 2 about two to three times a week and she loves her BabyFirst Channel. I love it too. It's the only channel I let her watch on TV because it's full of music and educational shows. I think I know every song for every show.

Time is a thief. I can't believe she is 5 months away from turning a year. Knowing me my next post will be after her birthday. I will try to post again before then but no promises. Motherhood is such a hectic and chaotic life, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I was born to live this life. I was so ready to be a mom and he might not believe me, but Kevin was ready to be a dad. He is a different man with our Emma. I fell into a deeper love with my husband ever since I saw him lock eyes with her.

Here is a picture of our girl. God's greatest gift.


Good night.

With love,
Ale