Danielita.

To everyone else, she's Daniela. To me and our family, she's Danielita. Kevin will call her that in public sometimes and she will ignore him as any 17 almost 18 year old would do.

18 years old. I just stopped in thought. I am thinking about the moment we learned that you were on the way. Before I share that story, let me say that I prayed for my little sister for YEARS and I begged my parents for a little sister every Christmas and it was my wish every time I blew out my birthday candle. You see, I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but I was a HUGE Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen fan growing up and I wanted that sisterly connection so bad. Having a brother was cool and all that, but there's nothing like that sisterly bond (I love you, Tono). Then, one day, at the Merced Mall Food Court while my brother and I were about to enjoy our chicken sandwiches our mother shared the most joyous news and you know how I just stopped in thought about 2 minutes ago? The same thing happened to me during that moment back in 1999 when my mom told us she was pregnant. Then, I prayed for every second since that moment asking God to PLEASE send us a little girl. I know I had nothing to do with that and Daniela was probably a girl before sending those prayers, but I got my little sister and my heart has been so full since her arrival. You see that moment doesn't feel like it was more than 18 years ago. Just thinking about that moment pulls on my heartstrings in the best way possible and it honestly feels like it was just yesterday.

My sister was and still is the very expressive type. You can tell what she is thinking or feeling just by looking at her eyes. At One, she ruled our home. Oh, and once she started walking, goodbye freedom. I didn't lose my freedom when Emma started walking a few months ago, I lost it about 17 years ago the day Danielita learned to walk. She was our shadow and wanted to do everything that our brother and I did. At Two, I started teaching her every Disney song, Backstreet Boy song or Spice Girl song there is and we would dance to their music every weekend. At Three and Four, she would be my little hostess whenever my friends would come to our house. I was always surprised at how well she would fit in any group. I mean my friends and I were 11 years older than her and she would be able to hold a conversation just as well. At age Five, she would come home and share what she would learn at school and I loved how she would explain everything to me. I love her love for learning till this day. As she moved on to middle school, I started to realize that she passed my grade point average a long time ago and she was only in 8th grade. Then, High School happened and her love for fashion became more noticeable. She is my professional make-up artist and go to stylist. She has the confidence that I wish I had at her age.

18 years later and there hasn't been a day that I don't thank God for sending my family my sister. I finally have that one person who knows what I am thinking without even saying anything. I finally have that one person who can finish the rest of my sentences on accident. I finally have that one person I can share everything with and laugh and cry and sing Backstreet Boys with. I have been so lucky to have been a big sister to my Danielita. On her 18th birthday, words cannot express how much I love you.

With love,
Wawa

2017.

I remember last year's NYE. We were at my parents home and I was trying my hardest to stay awake and wait for the clock to strike 12. We went to bed a little after midnight and then Emma woke me up every 2-3 hours after that. I've never felt more exhausted in my life and my heart has never felt so full. This year not much has changed. Kevin and I are in our pajamas in the comfort of our own home. I've made myself a delicious mimosa and Emma has been out since 8pm and she'll be our alarm clock around 7:40 a.m. My heart feels twice as full. The year went flying by. I don't know if being a mom has anything to do with it, but it feels like we started the year and then it was October. I can't believe how fast it went. There were hundreds of moments that made 2017 a beautiful year, but I'd like to share a few of my most recent memorable moments as a Mother.

Emma is awake. We hear her on our monitor. She says, "Dada? Dada? Jibberish...jibberish...jibberish. Dada?" I turn to Kevin and say "She's calling you" and I turn the other way and continue sleeping for an extra 30 minutes. (Score!)

I ask Emma, "donde esta tu nariz? (where is your nose?)" and she touches my lips. So close.

Tonight during bath time I ask Emma, "donde esta tu barriga? (where is your belly?)" and she touches her belly, smiles, and gives herself an applause (we do that when she does something right lol).

We have Jimmy Fallon's "Dada" book where every page has the word "Dada" and a certain animal says their sound. For example, "Dada", "moo". Emma starts reading her book to herself and reads, "Dada", "hmm" turns the page, "Dada", "hmmmm" turns the page and continues to do the same until the very end. I guess reading it to her since birth pays off (Kevin, I think it's time to purchase the "Mama" book now -_-).

We visited Dell'Osso Farms the other day and we were on a train ride which made Emma really nervous. I hugged her tight and told her that we are safe and I got her. She put her little hand on my cheek and gave me a big Emma beso. My heart stopped.

I'm sure I've made this obvious, but I love being a Mother. 2018 will be full of moments where Kevin and I will grow as parents, as individuals, as a couple and where I grow as a mother, daughter, sister, and friend. Ringing any and every year will be incredible because I am a Mother.

We tried to take a picture, but Emma was ready for bed. She is no where near ready to try and stay awake for midnight. God Bless and be safe tonight.

With love,
Ale

ONE YEAR OLD.

What they say is true. Time flies as a parent. I can't explain it. One minute you are laying on the hospital bed ugly crying (in my situation) because you are seeing your baby for the first time then twelve months fly by and your newborn baby is on the verge of walking and saying their first real words. AMAZING. Truly remarkable the life as a parent.

I loved every moment of this stage with our Emma. The newborn stage, breastfeeding, witnessing Kevin as a father, witnessing my parents as grandparents, then introducing solids, watching her crawl and learn fine motor skills to eat her favorite snack. Witnessing those moments where I'm like "that's so Kevin" or Kevin saying "you are just like your Mother" and every moment, big or small, in between. We are now parents of a toddler, just like that, in a flash.

When I'm at work, I miss her. When she's sleeping, I miss her. Kevin and I have gone away for a weekend and I missed her terribly, but I survived. I heard it gets better, but I really don't want it to get better because I don't want to be away from her, especially when time goes by this fast and we get reminded every day how short life truly is. I want to be with my family at all times. They are all of me (now I am getting cheesy...the hormones man! They just get worse).

Currently, life with Emma is so curious. I can stare at her at amazement at what she's learning and picking up from us. For instance, we are teaching Emma to be "gentle" with Dexter because Dexter loses a patch of fur whenever she tries to pet him. Well, she is attempting to be so gentle that when she extends her arm and hand to pet Dexter it seems as if she is petting his aura. She's getting it. I am giving her an A for effort. Just the other night, we set her free from her jail and she started moving the chairs near the kitchen and on her way there, she decided it would be fun to play with Dexter's water bowl. Kevin wiped her hand clean and firmly told her, "No, we do not touch Dexter's water bowl or food bowl" and allowed her to keep going to where she wanted to go. A couple minutes pass by and she was on her way back to the living room from the kitchen. She stops right by Dexter's water bowl again (Side note: Kevin and I are staring at her just feet away and she knows this). She lifts her hand to be hovering over Dexter's bowl while staring at her Daddy. Kevin slowly says (picture this in slow motion) "Noooooooo, Emmmmmmaaaaa" and Emma surely gives him a sly smile and slowly puts her hand in the water bowl then she crawls as fast as she can going the opposite direction from Kevin. I couldn't help myself. I burst into laughter. This was surely a moment where Emma did something Kevin would do. She is so Kevin. One more (last one...for now), tonight during bath time, I always have our Disney playlist playing in the background, I have her alphabet letters in her tub so she can play with while I wash her hair and so forth. A song from Hercules comes on (I LOVE the soundtrack of Hercules) and she stops, stares at me, gives me her billion dollar smile, and starts to move from side to side to the rhythm of the music. Thank God she has my rhythm. Although these moments bring me laughter and reassurance that Kevin and I are doing okay as her parents; I pray that one day soon she'll be her own person, and she discovers her own identity. I'm sure this will occur sooner than later because I've started to see Emma's personality grow since she was only a few weeks born.

Now the holidays are right around the corner and I am already saving ideas on arts and crafts on Pinterest for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. Last year, she was a newborn and I was delusional and did not have the energy to do anything. I was able to make her footprint as an ornament, but that's about it. This year, I feel like she can be more involved in our traditions and find joy in them. I can hardly wait. I feel like a kid again only this time the joy I feel is coming from the happiness that I see in the faces of my family.

I've said this every time, but I love being a Mother. It has completed me in every possible way.

Good night, world. Remember to spread kindness and joy. Our world and country needs every inch of it.

Much love,

Ale

Life with E.

The moment when Emma sees either Daddy or I coming home from work. She puts both arms in the air, bounces up and down, and gives us a big smile. Then, she crawls super fast towards us so we can carry her. 

I'm inside in what I like to call "Emma's Prison" and she's going through her toys and gets one of her books. She sets it on the ground, opens her book, and starts saying gibberish as she turns the page.

The way she climbs over me or Kevin to get on the couch in order to escape from her prison. 

Her hair/bangs are super long and covers her eyes, so every morning when I come in her room and say "good morning, Emma!" she raises her head all the way up to be able to see me through all that hair. 

The way our house gets super quiet whenever she gets a hold of my cellphone and then tries to smile at me when I catch her with it. 

How the word "Dexter" is becoming her second word. Don't ask, I'm quite heartbroken about it. #howaboutMama

"De..tahhh". That's how she says it. The most cutest thing ever. #okayimnotthatmadaboutit

She inhales her Cheerios. 

Actually, she inhales any type of food we give her. There hasn't been one food that she has rejected. When we first started with solids (at 6 months), she didn't like the Gerber string beans, but she just ate one as a whole the other day when I steamed some veggies for her. 

She crinkles her nose when she is super happy (this happens mostly during dinnertime).  

Dexter is always by her side during dinnertime and bath-time. He is warming up to her and that melts my heart. 

The way she recognizes and loves on all her immediate family: Nana, Abu, Grandma, Papa Paco, Grandpa, Auntie Steph, Tio Tono, and Tia Daniela. She gives you all the same shy smile. 

How I can say "Where's Koopa and Lucky?" and she looks outside the window. 

She loves watching people, especially other babies during mass and as long as I bring her cheerios to snack on and a good book, she's happy. 

Also, before we enter church, I whisper to her, "Emma, we're about to enter God's house, it's time to be very quiet, shhhhh" and she tries to mimic my "shhhh". 

The way she climbed the stairs at her grandparent's house three times. I want to say it was a record time for a baby. 

Whenever she is about to go poop, she goes to a corner in her prison and then I ask her as I'm grunting, "Emma, are you pooping?" and she will grunt back at me and her face turns bright red. LOLs.

This Saturday, our baby will turn 11 months. I'm currently in the process of planning her FIRST birthday. Where has the time gone?!

Don't mind the pasta on her tooth. She's a happy girl when she has her food in front of her.

Sweet Dreams, World. Spread kindness.

With love,

Ale 

31 Weeks!

My last post was in December!? Every month since then I've been telling myself I'd like to write another post on my blog and then the month would fly on by. This might sound crazy, but does time speed up when you're a parent because it sure feels like it. Emma turned 31 weeks on Monday! 7 months went by in a blink of an eye.

I'd like to share some things that I love about being a mom, as well as a few hardships I experienced. I loved the newborn stage. Kevin was not a fan though. He would actually fast forward to Emma being a "small adult" as he would say if he could. If it were up to me, I would rewind time to when she was a newborn again. I feel like that phase goes by way too quickly. I loved how my chest was pretty much her nap-time or bed-time spot. I loved how I would lay her on my upper thighs facing me and she would observe her surroundings while making those adorable newborn sounds. I loved the way she would smell. Newborn smell is probably one of my favorite scents on this planet. I miss the newborn stage so much. That is why Kevin and I are planning on doing this again, so I can experience it once more (not any time soon guys, so calm your horses). 

Emma started to smile days before she hit her one month mark. She obviously didn't know it at first, but then I think she started to smile purposely because of the reaction she would get from us every time. Her smile and laughter are one of my favorite moments to witness. Our family and friends say that she has my smile. Good! Because everything else she has is Kevin's. Strangers always ask in amazement "She's your daughter!?" and "But she looks nothing like you!". Thanks, people. I'd like to think that Emma has very similar personality traits as I do. She isn't shy, super happy (even when she's sick), observant, laughs a lot, extremely sociable. When you start to get to know her, you'll know right away that she is in fact my daughter. I love saying that phrase. I still have moments where I am still in disbelief that I am a mom. I don't cry AS MUCH anymore, I'm feeling better when it comes to that. 

Baby blues. They hit you hard. It's not affecting me as much anymore, but there were days where I felt like I was the worst mom in the world. I would feel this overwhelming feeling of sadness which partly was from the extreme exhaustion which lead to being frustrated. It's an awful feeling. Thank goodness I had Kevin and my family to make me feel grounded again and to reassure me that I was doing as well as any other first time mom should. My parents. God bless them. My parents came to visit me every weekend to help us with Emma, allowing me to rest, and to show me the ways. I didn't mind. My siblings and I turned out alright, so they know what they're doing. My in-laws are a great help as well. They love on Emma like no other. Kevin and I are so fortunate to have such supportive families. 

At two and half months, Emma began to laugh and it is my favorite sound in the whole wide world. All my worries and stressors of the day/week/month/year instantly vanish whenever I hear that sound. At three months, she started to make more sounds and paying close attention to our face expressions or people in general. By four months, she was babbling. She was giving and receiving affection. She would lay her head on my chest or put both her hands on my cheeks and message them the "Emma way" which is a little aggressive. She loves hard ( You see? Totally my daughter). There was never a moment where she didn't have her hands in her mouth. At five months, we started to see more and more of her personality develop. She definitely has a lot of silliness to her and we can tell right away what she is thinking just by looking at her face expressions. At six months, Emma started eating solids. She loves fruits more than vegetables. She found her first love with Jesse from Toy Story 2 and she learned how to give "besos". They're super slobbery, I LOVE THEM. 

She is now 7 months and teething. Teething sucks. I hate that she is feeling what she is feeling and there is not much that we can do to relieve her pain. It's temporary and I pray those little teeth appear soon! Every night we have a dance party before and/or after bath time and that girl has my rhythm (thank you God!). She loves her Disney songs and anything with a beat. She is actually starting to move her legs to the music or bop her head. She is starting to say "MA..MA..MA..MA" and "DA...DA..DA..DA" but she doesn't say them to call on us. I think she hears me say them a lot, so she is mimicking me as she plays with her toys. The weekends are my ultimate favorite with her because we get to spend the whole day with her. The weekdays are too short. By the time we get home from work/daycare we have about 2 hours together (at best) to spend time as a family before starting her bedtime routine. Also, we watch Toy Story 2 about two to three times a week and she loves her BabyFirst Channel. I love it too. It's the only channel I let her watch on TV because it's full of music and educational shows. I think I know every song for every show.

Time is a thief. I can't believe she is 5 months away from turning a year. Knowing me my next post will be after her birthday. I will try to post again before then but no promises. Motherhood is such a hectic and chaotic life, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I was born to live this life. I was so ready to be a mom and he might not believe me, but Kevin was ready to be a dad. He is a different man with our Emma. I fell into a deeper love with my husband ever since I saw him lock eyes with her.

Here is a picture of our girl. God's greatest gift.


Good night.

With love,
Ale

2016: The year I became a Mom

This time last year Kevin and I decided that it was time to have a family of our own. 2016 will forever be one of the best years of my life and that is because I finally became a mother. Our Emma Sofia joined us on September 26th and I feel like time has been going lightning speed since her arrival. Here is a quick timeline of my year for you guys...

January 29th - We find out we're pregnant!

March - We find out the gender!

April through the end of August - I practically napped all day every day. It was amazing. 

September 26th - Emma is born!

She is now three months old and growing so fast right before our very eyes. She is definitely a morning person like her daddy. The first thing I see when I go to her room in the morning is her smiling face, but she gets camera shy and doesn't smile when I really want her to. She did amazing during all her first holidays (Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas). We even took her to Christmas Eve mass and she was so well behaved (partly because she fell asleep for most of the mass). She loves her family and is starting to recognize them more with each visit. She is a daddy's girl and I say this with confused emotions because I love how she loves her daddy, but what about me? I'm just the food supplier, that's all =/ haha. No, but she loves being with Kevin. She can watch him for hours. 

Becoming parents was a HUGE change on our lives and it was challenging at first for the both of us, but we are slowly adapting to the parent life and making it work. We aren't perfect parents or even perfect spouses, but we're a team and we learn something about each other everyday. I learned something about Kevin in the last few months. While Kevin and I were dating and during our first years of marriage, I would never see him interact with children which to be honest always worried me, but those worries vanished the moment I saw him carry Emma at the hospital. It's like he was saving himself for that moment all along. Kevin is such a loving father. Can he change more poopy diapers now and then?? I'm sure he can, but like I said, we're working on it (haha) and Emma adores him, you can see it in her eyes when she looks at him and to me, it is one of the best moments to witness.

I want to end this entry on a loving note, but I also want to honor my Bambi Boy who passed away in April. He took a piece of my heart with him and we miss him so very much. 

Here are a few of my favorite memories from 2016:

I pray that 2017 brings health, happiness, and lots and lots of love to all of our family and friends. Thank you, God (and partly Kevin) for sending us our biggest blessing yet and for making my dream of becoming a mother come true. I will be welcoming 2017 with the biggest smile and an extremely happy heart. 

Happy (early) New Year!

With love,

Ale

Emma's Birth Story

Our daughter is impatient just like her Mama. I say this because she came a week before her due date; she just couldn't stay in the womb any longer.This did not bother me at all since I was getting pretty impatient myself. I have to say that I am really happy with my first childbirth experience, everything went really well AND I got to hold my baby girl a whole week and a day early. Kevin and I learned our lesson on trying to plan our baby's birth date (we planned for October, I guess Emma had her own schedule going on). Nothing wrong with September, my dad loved the outcome because he gets to share his birthday week/month with his first grandchild. 

Okay so here is Emma's birth story. Warning to those who get grossed out when hearing the word "blood" or "poop". I will be mentioning those words on this blog, so if you can't handle it you should click that 'x' on the top right hand corner. OKAY...like I said earlier, I am quite happy with my experience, especially since for the past 9 months all sorts of women just HAD to share their birth story with me and 90% of them were horrible, just nightmares of a story. It did not help with my fear of childbirth one bit. I started having contractions the weekend before she was born on Saturday, September 24th around 8 p.m., they were about 10 minutes apart and 10-15 seconds long. I still find contractions to be pretty incredible. They come and hit you HARD and then the pain disappears instantly and the cycle continues for God knows how long, for me, the cycle continued for two days. I had them all day Sunday, but I was still able to do everything I wanted to do: clean, do laundry, spent the evening with my family and had dinner, cleaned some more. Kevin told me I was "nesting". I don't think so though, if you know me at all, you know that I am borderline OCD and I clean everything that comes to sight, so ehhh nesting, I am not too sure if it happened with me. It is Sunday night and I am attempting to go to sleep (you can't when you have contractions going on, plus I was feeling super uncomfortable as always trying to find a position good enough to sleep). It was around 1:10 a.m. when the most painful contraction that I had so far hit me and I had to get up and walk because I couldn't lay there anymore and once I stood up, my water broke. I didn't want to make a mess (OCD, you see!?), so I held my fluids in my hands and ran to the bathroom. I made it to the toilet and more fluids just came out of me. It really is like water, no smell to it, no color, just water or amniotic fluid as the doctors call it. Did it hurt? Not really. Unless it was the contraction that I felt, it was the most painful one I had so far, so if that was my water breaking, then yes. I called my doctor and he gave me the okay to go to the hospital. So, here we are, driving to the hospital and fluids just keep coming out of me and my contractions were getting closer together, about 7-8 minutes apart and getting more powerful as well. We get to the hospital, get admitted and placed in our room. Our nurse checks my cervix to see how much I was dilated and I was dilated a whole ONE. In my head at this time I was like, OH  MY GAWD I AM GOING TO BE HERE ALL WEEK THIS IS GOING TO TAKE FOREVERRR! I guess it doesn't matter how much you are dilated, if your water breaks, you are admitted to the hospital. Our nurse recommended us to walk it out because it typically helps, so we did. Kevin and I walked for about two hours around the labor and delivery department and once my nurse checked me again (around 4:30 a.m.) I was dilated a 5! OH GOOD GAWD, THANK YOU. At one point, I was literally speaking out loud to God, I typically keep my prayers private, but at this point, I didn't care who heard me. Anyway, so I was dilated a 5 and I forgot to mention that I was one of the lucky ones to experience back labor. Let me try to describe to you what back labor feels like... let's say there are about 10 butcher knives flying towards you, towards your back and they all stab you at once. It literally took my breath away. Kevin, being the good support partner that he was, kept saying "keep breathing, breath with me, you can do it" but I couldn't. It was like I forgot how to breath it was that painful. So back to my nurse, she started to tell me that now that I am a 5 I am allowed to have some drugs and she was about to ask me if I wanted drugs and I interrupted her immediately and said "give me the epidural". I think she and Kevin laughed at me, well laughed with me, because at that point, I was laughing too only because I didn't want to cry. I was nervous laughing with tears in my eyes. The anesthesiologist came about 30-40 minutes after, did his magic, and I was soooooo relaaaaaxed. I don't know what kind of drug is in an epidural, but it is pure magic. My back labor went away completely and so did most sensation on my lower body, but that was OKAY because I was feeling good. Once you get an epidural, you can only lay in bed, so I did. Our nurse came to check on me every two-three hours. I was dilated a 6 around 6 a.m. and then almost an 8 around 9 a.m. Unfortunately, the epidural, like all drugs, wear out, so I started to feel my back labor again, but only on the right side of my back, super weird feeling. I was still dilated an 8 around 10:30 a.m., so my nurse said that she'll check again around noon and hopefully we can begin to push by then. She checked me around 12:30 and HALLELUJAH I was dilated a 10! I was ready to push this baby out, so I did. I was pushing and pushing and Emma was "turtling" which means I would push just enough for her head to be seen and then she would go back inside of me. I guess this was happening for about an hour, then my IV machine starts beeping. Kevin takes a look at it and sees that I am almost all out of my epidural, so he asks our nurse if I can have another one. Our nurse sort of chuckles and says "it's too late for that, she will just have to keep pushing and if the pain comes back, that's okay". EXCUSE ME LADY, it will NOT be OKAY. At this point, I was determined to push Emma out as soon as possible because there was no way in heck that I was going to feel that back labor in full force again (at least not until our next child). I have no idea where this next wave of energy came from, but I was ready and this is another part where I spoke out loud to the Big Man. I pushed hard for probably 20 minutes and our Emma arrived at 2:59 p.m. on Monday, September 26th. I was crying for two reasons: the first reason is the most obvious one, we have our daughter with us, I was holding her and looking directly at her and she was perfectly healthy and secondly I was no longer at an uncomfortable position where it felt like I was pushing out a big poop. Pushing out a baby has to be the most uncomfortable sensation ever. I didn't feel any pain during this time because thank GOD the epidural was still in effect, but man, super duper uncomfortable. I look towards the doctor and he tells me to keep pushing because the placenta has to come out. Pushing out the placenta is not half as bad as pushing out a baby, but when that placenta does come out, so does a whole waterfall of fluids and lots and lots of blood. 

So, there it is. Emma's birth story and as crazy as it sounds, I would do it all over again. My husband was the best support partner. He was right by my side throughout the whole time, holding my hand or messaging my back, pushing me and motivating me to keep going. Thank you, mi amor. Thank you to my family who came to the hospital the moment I called to let them know that my water broke. I'm sure their prayers and just by them being there helped me mentally. By the way, I asked my little sister last minute if she could take Emma's birth pictures and she did and she did so well in the room with me. She was quiet, a little too quiet where I thought she fainted at one point, but she didn't. She has one strong stomach to have seen all that she saw, and the pictures turned out great, so thank you baby sister. I'll share a couple of the pictures below. Lastly, I want to express my gratitude to the nursing staff at Doctor's Medical Center. They were all fantastic and they made us feel so at ease the whole time. Also, thank you to our families and friends. The ones who visited us (either at the hospital or at our home), the phone calls, the cards, the posts on our social media, the FOOD, seriously, thank you to those who have fed us, we appreciate it so much! It's been two weeks and we are still filled with so much joy. I have been waiting a long time for this moment, and I know I was born to be a mother. I love being a mother. I love every moment of it. 

Here are a couple of pictures from the second best day of my life (Our wedding day is the first, of course): 

Thank you God for our biggest blessing yet.

Good night, world. 

With love,

Ale