Things that Emma say.

I really enjoy writing about this. Once I remember it brings me such joy and warmth and those are two definite feelings that I need more of currently.

Here are a few things of what I can recall of sayings or doings that Emma has done in the last few months:

1. Scarlett, you are in my SPACE!

2. Good Morning sisters!!! as she makes her grand entrance to their room every morning.

3. Mommy, after this bite can I have some juice please?

4. Mommy, I am pooping. You can go. (as she points to the door so I can leave and close it behind me). 

5. Me: "Emma!!!"

Emma: WHAAATT!

Me: You say, "Yes mommy?"

Emma: Yeessssss, Mommyyyyyyy"

6. Daddy, you going to work. Okay bye. Te amo.

7. Mommy, tomorrow I'm going to Grandma and Grandpa's and sleeping there. Okay?

8. Koopa can sleep with me in my room because I love him. Okay, Mommy? Not in your room. MY ROOM. Okay?

9. Mommy, I want waffles, sausage, and eggs and sausage and waffle. 

10. Me: Let's go out for our walk.

Emma: Yaaayyy!! When we come back, can I do ABC Mouse?

Me: Yes, you can do ABCMouse and finish a learning path. 

Emma: Okay! Then can I have screen time (she means Youtube Kids)?

Me Yes, but for 20 mins. 

Emma: Ok but for 30 minutes. Okay mommy?

11. Me: (points at our " what day is today" chart) What day is today?

Emma: BATHBOMB TUESDAY!!!

12. Me: Emma, what would you like for breakfast?

Emma: Chicken nuggets and fries please.

13. Me; Emma, what would you like for lunch?

Emma: Chicken nuggets and fries please.

14. Me: Emma, would would you like for dinner?

Emma: Chicken nuggets and fries AND a toy from donalds pleaseeee.

15. Mommy, Scarlett and Bilet (Violet) are playing with my toys.

Come here Scarlett and Bilet, here are the baby toys. You can play with these. Yes you can. (she speaks to them as if they are dogs). LOL

16. Emma attempts to pick up her sister to move her to the other side of the house. 

Me: Emma, what's the rule?

Emma: Don't pick up sisters. Only mommy and daddy can do that. Not Emma. It's not safe. 

17. Sees a Trolls toy commercial. 

Emma: Mommy, I want that toy!

Me: oh the Poppy toy?

Emma: No, I want the ROCK troll. Yea. ROCK!! (she got that from the new movie)

18. Mommy, I love you. (Comes closer and sits on my lap). Mommy, I love you so much. You are MY mommy. 

19. Mommy, wanna puzzle?

Me: Okay, let's do this one.

Emma: Okay. You sit down and watch me, okay? I do the puzzle and you watch. LOL

20. Referring to her daycare friends.

Mommy, Matias is best friends with Raul. That's okay because Sharon is MY best. She's MY Sharon. 

Anything that comes out of this little girls mouth makes me smile or laugh. I hope it made you smile and laugh as well.

Stay safe, stay healthy, and be kind to others.

With love, 

Ale

Letting go.

For the past 53 days, I have had moments where panic and anxiety tries to take over my mind and body. When I do sense them creeping I do something that I love like play with my daughter or dance and it goes away, but it tends to come back every night. I wish I could go to sleep around 10, but my mind starts racing and my eyes won't shut until about 1am. 

I hate the fact that there is so much uncertainty. I don't do well with the unknown. I like to be as prepared as I can and there is so much that is out of my control that it provokes so much anxiety. 

I also have a lot of fear growing inside. I fear for the lives of the ones I love the most. This virus is taking anyone, it doesn't matter what age, what color, if you are completely healthy or sick, it doesn't matter. It just takes you. A life that was perfectly fine back in December/January is gone in a week. 

Emma caught me crying a few weeks ago. She was like, "Mommy, it's okay. Don't be sad." and she hugged me and she didn't let go until I was okay. She shouldn't be doing that. I'm her parent. I should be comforting her. We shouldn't be going through something like this. She should be playing with her friends from daycare and being her three year old self and not having a care in the world.

I've had this blog as a draft since the beginning of April and back then I decided to not finish it and to not share it with anyone because I was afraid of the judgement of others. I changed my mind today. I don't want anyone to feel like they are alone in this. Writing about it is really helping me. It almost feels like I am letting go some of my fear, some of my anxiety. Not all of it, but some and it feels good. 

I pray that we see a solution soon. I pray and dream of the weekends where I laugh and cook and dance with my family and not have to worry about a dangerous and deadly virus trying to hurt the ones I love. I pray to see the nights where I can lay down and my mind is quiet and free from this everyday worry. 

In the meantime while we wait safely in our home. I want to express how much I miss my mom, my dad, my brother and sister, our friends. Our playdates. Our gamenights. My work family. My students. I miss seeing my daughters laugh and play with their grandparents. I miss it all. 

Until then, stay safe, stay healthy, and be kind to one another.

With love,

Ale